Why me and what the heck do I do now?

37 years old almost 38. Is my face any older than it was then? I may or may not appear differently than I did in the beginning of 2014 (I'm fatter without a doubt), but I sure as hell have next to nothing to physically show for the last 12+ years. No house, no regular job, no savings or income to warrant note, no truer friendships and no girl to give my heart & forever more to. Loneliness transcending illustration. But why do I love more than ever before the man I am? Isn't this Me worth desiring without the shredded gym body + luxury cars, badass motorcycles?

I don't have good news to share with you after all the shitshow above ^, but I have come to recognise something to be most proud of. Looking around at all the strangers around me on any given moment, not one of them seems to have it all figured out. Not one other person observed gives off the energy of being truly happy and satisfied with who, what and where they are. We all have our challenges at least somewhat unidentifiable so every one of us has at least one biggest question burrowed in the narrowest corner of our spirit. My question is unique to me as it is to anyone. Brain injured or not.